The Power of Accepting Criticisms...

Let me begin by recounting a couple of incidents from my life.

The first is from my college time. In my classes, I used to stay rather away from most of my classmates and was rarely connected with people. Today I realise that it is important to stay connected. Back then, I was much more stubborn. One of my friends told me that I must change. Stupid as I was, instead of giving heed to what he had to say, I reacted badly. And I told him many justifications in support of my nature.

The second incident is from my work life. I have a colleague who is not very comfortable with English. Once I thought he made an inappropriate use of English grammar. I began to criticise him without even bothering to understand exactly what he wanted to say. He did not react, and simply listened to what I said. With a smile he added, “I know I must work on improving my English”. Later I realised what he had said was a proper use of English. Or at least I was not sure.

These two incidents have a stark contrast – In the first case, my friend was offering me a constructive criticism. He told me the right thing but I still reacted. In the second case, I was criticising my friend without good reason. I was telling him something baseless and still he did not react.

That day I realised that there is a big power in accepting criticisms.

It helps to break a barrier between people and establish a bond

What exactly happened in the second case that I felt happy? What did he do which made me respect him more? It is just that my friend respected my opinion. And in fact, this made me respect him even more! So, obviously, this helps in building relationships.

When we accept someone’s criticisms – we give them respect. And this is one thing that almost everyone wants. We may not agree with everything that the other person says but we can at least say, “Thanks for this feedback. I will really consider your point and see how I can improve!” The other person will feel more happy than if we say, “Oh no, I am not like that! You’re wrong!”

Accepting criticisms helps us to filter the constructive ones

Every criticism is not constructive. Sometimes, people criticise us only for fun. If we begin to justify and argue against everyone, we may not even know when there are some good, constructive suggestions that can help us to improve.

I follow a very simple trick to ensure whether the other person is giving a constructive criticism or whether he is doing it simply for fun. I just ask my critics, “Alright, I accept this might have been done in a better way! Can you tell me how else this could have been?”

There – that plays the trick. Accept it and don’t challenge. On the contrary, ask them how we can improve. If they are genuine, they will tell us. Otherwise, we know that we have to ignore them! Simple. But how does this happen? Only when we accept what they say. Therefore, there is a big power in accepting criticisms.

Every criticism is constructive criticism (sic)

Now I may be contradicting what I wrote just in the last paragraph, but there is something else I wanted to convey. Even if some people criticise us only for fun, there is still a good chance that we may end up being better than what we already are. I follow this simple rule in life:

Whenever somebody criticises, prefer not to react immediately. Accept that criticism and take it home. After going home, think over it. If we agree with the other person, think about how to improve it. If we don’t agree, then forget and move on! So think that every criticism is a constructive criticism. But remember, the basic trick is – Not to react immediately.

However, there is a tempting question that one can ask, “If we don’t agree with it, then should we not justify ourselves?”

Justifying will not surprise them. Accepting will.

I’m not a subject matter expert. But from whatever little experience I have in life, I can say that justifications are probably the worst way to tackle criticisms. Everybody who criticises us thinks a lot about how we may react (unless they’re too stupid to criticise without preparation!)

Therefore, when we pop up a justification to their criticism, they will smile from within and tell themselves, “I knew you were going to say that, smartass! But wait, here is my answer to that. You see, I had thought about it already!”

However, if we accept what they have to say, at the first instance itself, we will surprise our critics and they would not really know how to react. There is a funny incident I recall from my life, which elaborates on this.

One of my friends might have felt once, that I am not a good listener. Therefore, she felt like telling me about it. She must have thought a lot before telling me. Thought about how I might react to it, and how she can reply to my reactions. After having done her research, she finally told me once that I am not a good listener. Without challenging her, I asked, “Oh you think so! Maybe you’re right. I need to think about it. What should I do to improve?”

She told me some good suggestions, so obviously it was a constructive criticism. But then she was surprised that I accepted it without challenging at all. She had thought a lot about how she can reply in case I don’t accept. So she went on to tell me everything that she might have thought. And then finally she said, “Though it is not such a big deal you know. After all, you’re not that bad a listener! Just a little bit I felt so I said!”

I may not be a very good listener. But my critics would probably feel that I am not that bad either. All I had to do was to accept a criticism without challenging!

“It matters not what they think of you, as long as you can live with yourself”

At the end, remember that criticisms are actually other peoples’ opinions about us. That’s about it. Opinions. Not facts.

Therefore, it is upon us to decide whether they will matter to us or not. We must accept that everyone has an opinion, so there is no reason to be frustrated about it, or feel insecure. It is an opinion. You think that fits with us, accept it. Otherwise just remember – it’s what they think. We can agree to disagree.

We should accept criticisms gracefully. We don’t have to be affected by them. Our happiness lies in our hands, and we can always be happy – by using the power within!

Cheers!

Palkesh