Do we love the man in the mirror?

One fine day I was listening to this good song from Audioslave, called “Be yourself!” The lyrics of the same are written below. In a conscious effort to understand the meaning of the song, I set my mind to thinking deeper, and realised that there is so much for us to learn.

Not from the song, but from within ourselves.

Someone finds salvation in everyone, another only pain…

Someone tries to hide himself, down inside himself he prays!

Someone swears their true love, until the end of time

Another runs away…Separate or united? Healthy or insane?

And to be yourself is all that you can do…
To be yourself, is all that you can do! 

There are many different types of people in the world, with different types of mentalities, different thoughts, and different priorities. Sometimes we are attracted by people who appear to be better than us, while at the same time we seem to be proud of ourselves as we see those who appear to be inferior to us. But we fail to appreciate that there is no comparison.

Every individual is different. And because they are different, there is no way you can compare one person from another. People never stand at a single footing, so as to be able to fight for the same battle. The truth is, we are just existing together – but we are all fighting different battles. This is what we often fail to comprehend.

Comparing ourselves from others is a natural phenomenon that we have set in. And trust me, it has been imbibed in us since our childhood. We always compare – success, wealth, and for that matter even physical looks – with others. And this results into a number of problems that are unforeseen. Pressure, stress, sadness and what not?

In this post, I shall put forward some of my thoughts in this context.

Survival of the fittest

British philosopher Herbert Spencer had coined this phrase after reading Charles Darwin’s “On the origin of species”. Darwin later acknowledged it as a metaphor that can be used as synonymous to the theory of natural selection. However, over all these years, we have used the phrase in so many different contexts. Time and again, we have used it – to justify differences, to justify dissimilarity and to show why some people are better than others.

Without prejudice to the sanctity of the idea, I still believe that we were grossly mistaken. The side effect of this overhyped phenomenon has been that we have started comparisons at every level. Sometimes, even when there was no genuine need. And this has resulted into a number of problems. I have tried to build on this idea.

A lot goes into making of an individual

As I already pointed out, every person is fighting a different battle. We are therefore moulded differently. Needless to say, a lot depends on the way we have been brought up. Parental values, experience based learnings and past decisions – everything goes into making of an individual. For this reason, how he/she appears and how he/she behaves is bound to be different. This point is worth noting.

Dr. Seuss, in his book called Happy Birthday to you, had written an interesting line – “Today You are You – that is truer that true! And there is no person alive, who is Youer that You!”

The grass looks greener on the other side

Although we all agree to the uniqueness of every individual, yet – that is precisely what affects us the most! And there we go – our uniqueness is also a problem. The fact is – either we want to be better, or we want to be equal. We just don’t want to be behind anyone. And this results into a number of problems that we create for ourselves.

Why am I not like him? Why is she more beautiful? Why am I not as intelligent as he is? I also want to be as quick-witted and charismatic as that person… I wish I could be as rich as he is…

We seek happiness – but not in the right place

We fail to overlook something. The secret is – we are not actually looking for beauty, or intelligence, or quick-wit, or charisma, or money – we are looking for happiness. But the only problem is that we tend to associate happiness with these measures.

We tend to believe that the person who is more beautiful, or more intelligent than us will definitely be happier than we are. But this is where we are mistaken. We often do many things only because others have done it. More so, we do things only to show some things to someone.

Consider this, “He talks to so many people, socialises a lot. He seems to be so happy. He tells me that I am not good at talking to people. He does not know that I never even tried it. Now I will also talk to many people, I will also socialise a lot, and show him that I can also do it. I can also be happy, after all…”

At the end of it, we realise that maybe we never enjoyed it. Maybe we are never inclined to be extroverts. So what is wrong in being an introvert? Why change yourself only because someone says you cannot do it? Why do we associate happiness with these doubtful criteria?

One of my friends told me once – it is possible that you don’t enjoy going to the discotheque and dancing. Yet, you look at so many people who seem to be enjoying this. Then, if they are happy so you think it will make you happy too! How do you know whether those people are actually happy or not? And even if they are, why should you also enjoy it merely because they are enjoying it?

Don’t pretend to be happy, be happy naturally!

Happiness lies in satisfaction

Everyone wants to be happy. Nobody enjoys the feeling of regret, or sadness. That is the universal truth. Yet, why are people sad if they don’t enjoy it? No – don’t tell me it is not in their hands. The fact is – we always look for happiness… but in the wrong places.

Happiness lies in being natural. Happiness lies in being proud of yourself. Happiness lies in being able to appreciate your shortcomings. Happiness lies in doing what your heart says. Happiness lies in feeling whatever you naturally feel. Happiness lies in listening to criticisms and not reacting bad. Happiness lies in satisfaction.

Happiness lies within you, don’t seek it anywhere else.



Love the man in the mirror

You are unique. You are different. And you are good. The world needs you, which is why you are here. There is nobody around who is like you. Don’t work only because you want to be better than someone else. Always seek happiness. Always seek satisfaction. Be proud of yourself.

Don’t look at the shortcomings you have. Always look at all the good things that you have. Never focus on the weaknesses, always focus on your strengths. Build on your strengths. There is so much that you can do. So much that remains to be done. So much inside you that the world wants to know.

Why restrict yourself to others? Why confine your goals to what others have done? Why measure happiness only on the basis of how others treat us? Happiness is measured on the basis of how you treat yourself! You are special. Treat yourself like that.

One of my very good friends puts it in words wonderfully. And I will leave with her words.

Sometimes, just stand in front of the mirror. Look at the man in the mirror. Smile at him.

And tell him – I love you, and I promise that I will keep you happy… always!

Yours forever,

Palkesh Asawa