What we never say to our mothers...

My dearest mother,

I really don’t know why I am writing this letter to you; or what I want to tell you; or how I am going to tell you anything. Still, I feel like writing this. I will not be perfect in my language, I cannot be very expressive, because I am your little child who is still struggling in this big world; I am still that small innocent kid that you’ve been seeing for years. Only my height or weight has increased.

Or maybe I am wrong… maybe I have changed a lot…

Today, I am not with you. Today, I have come out from my home. Come out in this world where everyone is so busy and occupied. In a new city which is so far from home. Every morning I have to wake up, get ready for office, arrange for my own breakfast, keep working for the whole day, and then come back in the evening – only to realise that there is so much more to do. And you know mother, I am very bad at all this. Many times I wake up late and rush to the office without having proper breakfast. Often I fail to properly polish my shoes or iron my clothes. Sometimes I don’t even get proper food.

Why can’t it all be just like my old days, when everything was so good? When I used to sleep at night, I had no worry about tomorrow. Even if I had an exam on the next day, I was not worried. Somehow, things used to happen automatically for me. I just had to wake up and get ready. Breakfast was ready for me. My clothes… fully ironed and neatly folded… used to be there on my bed before I go for bath. My bag was packed for me. Tiffin was ready and already inside my bag. I just had to pick it up and go… it was so comfortable. All my work used to happen automatically, like magic.

Today I realise mother, it wasn’t automatic. It wasn’t magic. It was you.

And now that you are not with me… I am incomplete. I am struggling.

I have been so foolish. All those years when you used to do those things for me, I just used to take it for granted. But you are so bad. You didn’t even tell me that I will have to do all this myself. I didn’t know all this could be so difficult…

You know mother, everybody used to say that I am very intelligent. That I will be a good man one day. I will become highly qualified, get a nice job and will be very successful in life. And I used to be so proud of myself. I have done so much today. Almost all those things I have achieved that I had once dreamt for me; that you had once dreamt for me… But now I realise, it was impossible without you.

In fact, let me correct my words. It was possible only because of you.

I still remember that day when I got a very good result in my exam. I went to thank all my teachers. They were all great teachers. Still, one of the teachers stood up and said to everyone, “I teach the same thing to everyone; yet – if a student gets brilliant result, his own effort counts. After all, you can take the horse to the water, but you cannot make him drink it!”

That day, I felt very proud of myself. But now I realise, it wasn’t me. It was never me. It was you. Always you. I agree, teachers can take a person to the water, but they cannot make him drink it. You did it. You taught me how to drink that water. You taught me the value of education. I still remember you always used to say that nothing in life that a person gets is forever. Money, wealth, power, success, even people and relations – all these can come and go. But one thing will be yours forever – education. At that time, I used to get bored, thinking of it as a lecture. But now I agree, those teachings were so helpful for me.

Many people ask me today, how did you do all this? For them I have only one answer – I don’t know how I did it. Ask my mother; she knows…

Today I feel proud when it dawns upon me – all the sacrifices that you and father have made for me. I have not forgotten how you both used to cancel all your plans and trips only so that my studies do not get affected. I remember father putting in hard work and effort in office, only to secure a bright future for his children. I can see all your love in those little advices you used to give me!

Sometimes I used to feel irritated when you gave me those advices. I used to feel that I have grown up now. I don’t need to be told how to protect myself. I don’t need to be told how to talk to people, how to be safe in this world, even little advices such as – how to polish my shoes, how to pack my bags, how to clean my clothes, how to cook food, what to do… this and that… But I was wrong. You were right. I needed all those advices. Not because I actually used them; but because it only means that you are there!

Every time we talk on phone, you are always worried about me. You are always worried; whether I have had proper food or not. Whether I am enjoying my work or not. Sometimes I feel that my happiness is the only goal in your life. And that makes me feel so protected and safe. Thanks for being there, mother! You love me so much, unconditionally.

I feel guilty for the many times that I did not listen to you; that I hurt you. Unknowingly, I might have told so many things to you. When you used to cook that wonderful food for me, I did not compliment you. When you used to teach me something in front of anyone, I used to feel embarrassed. You must have felt bad. But my mother, I did not intend it. I did not even realise it.

Why am I writing this letter? I don’t know. I was just thinking about you. I just felt so lonely here, but then I realised even you would be feeling so lonely. I have come out of home. Father goes to office every day. You are the only one left at home – you have to wake up early in the morning; do all the work at home; clean everything; put everything in place; cook delicious food for everyone at home; take care of the home’s supplies and ensure that everything is proper for father. Whole day you are busy with work. But nobody seems to notice it. Somehow, we just take all that for granted.

Your contribution is the most. You have made me, my mother. You gave me my life. You gave me education. You gave me love. You gave me everything that I have today. Sadly, what the world sees is just me. It does not see so much of the effort that you have put in. But I see it, my mother.

You are just awesome!

God gave us the sunlight, the water we drink, the air we breathe, the nature we live in, and God gave us our mothers. Just to think about it – these are things without which we cannot live. But we always take them for granted. I don’t want to make that mistake. I realise how much I have, if I have you. I understand how unlucky those people would be whose mothers are not with them! But I am so lucky…

I miss you,

Your son…