Being happy with our decisions...

“It is our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities”

This nice quote from Harry Potter says that our choices leave a profound impact on who we become as a person. It does not matter what we can do and cannot do; rather what we decide to do and what we decide not to do. I’m sure we all agree that there is a big difference. But a more relevant question is this – are we able to stick to the decisions we make?

Is it possible to decide – and never rethink about it?

We face many situations in life where we are compelled to choose one among several possible actions. After some thinking, some consulting, some instinct, some experience etc. we finally decide to do something. Often, even after making a decision, we keep thinking over it again and again. Have I decided appropriately? Should I have done this? Or should I just go back and reverse my decision? What if the other option was better?

This happens with me. Over the last couple of months, I noticed this has been happening more often than normal. So much so that some of my friends even told me, “Dude, don’t think much. Once you have decided something – just stick to the plan. There is nothing you can achieve by going over it again and again!”

I agree with them. It is important to choose. It is important to choose and move on. It is important to choose, move on and never get back to it again. But how to do this?

After my friends said that to me, I started thinking about why is it that I cannot easily move on after I have decided to do something. In this blog-post, I am going to share some of my thoughts that I told myself. I am not a subject-matter expert, these are just my thoughts.

There is no such thing as free lunch. Want to eat? Then be happy to pay!

Most of the time we fail to move on because we are not happy to sacrifice anything for something else. But then this is obviously the stupidest thing to do. We cannot have everything at once!

I will give one simple illustration from my life. I was recently offered a role in a manufacturing location which is a little away from city life. There are some good things I would get and some sacrifices I would have to make. The decision I had to take was – to accept or not? I decided I will go. But after that, I kept thinking a lot about whether it was the right decision or not.

The truth of life is – if we want to get something, we must be ready to sacrifice something in return. There are numerous examples. If we want a nice job, we might have to adjust with extra working hours. If we want good marks in the exam, we will have to sacrifice some of our fun. If we want to be awesome in networking and socialising, we might have to live without time for ourselves.

The sooner we accept this, the happier we will be with the decisions we take.

The accept or change principle

Recently I had the opportunity to interact with a senior person in our organisation. He told me something very interesting. I quote in his words.

“In life, there are broadly two types of situations. Those that you cannot change – you must accept them. And those that you cannot accept – you must change them. For example, if I do not like my father – I cannot change him, accept it. But if I do not like my boss, I cannot accept it, change him!”

This simple dictum is actually so true. If something cannot be changed, it cannot be changed. Accept and move on. Indeed, there are many things that we would like to be done differently. Not all of them are achievable.

Did you just say that nothing is impossible? Sure, nothing is impossible. But then it requires sacrifices to be made. Are we ready to make those sacrifices? If we are not, then accept that we cannot change it. And then move on. Otherwise – change it! Simple and highly effective advice. At least that’s what I think! J

See how I applied this principle in my life.

I am a vegetarian and a teetotaller. To not drink is my decision, and I am happy with it. But as far as non-veg food is concerned, I personally feel that there is nothing wrong in having it. However, I am still a vegetarian. Why? Because I don't want to go against what my religion says. Can I eat non-veg food then? Yes, I can – if I choose to defy it. Would I be happy to make this sacrifice? No. Therefore I decided that I will not have non-veg food.

Similarly, there are several such decisions we take because of people who influence our lives a lot – parents, friends or spouses. Thinking about these too often will not help us, because we cannot change them! Either accept or change, don’t just keep thinking. Period.

Decisions are relative. So keep them in perspective

Decisions are relative to time. They are relative to the person. And they are relative to the situation. What appears fit for me may not be fit for you. What appears appropriate now may not seem appropriate in the future. What is right in one situation may be very wrong in some other situation. Therefore, whenever we make a decision, think like this:

I have decided to do this because it looks appropriate for me in the given situation at the present time.

Let me illustrate how this works with a very simple albeit stupid example to drive the point home. Suppose you have to decide whether to invest in company A or in company B. And after thorough analysis, or on instinct, you choose one. Now:

1) Don’t feel bad if another person is doing something else – decisions are relative to a person.

2) Don’t feel bad if now you think that you could have invested more or less money. At that time you thought it was the best you could afford. Decisions are relative to time.

3) Don’t feel bad if the situation has now changed and you regret taking that decision. Given that situation you thought it was best. Decisions are relative to situations.

We have options to choose from. But we have no option whether or not to choose

It is not up to us whether to take decisions or not. We cannot live without taking decisions. They are everywhere. You may be afraid of them, but you cannot avoid them.

Therefore, if this whole life is a gamble, then where is the scope to regret and think again and again? Make a decision. If it proved to be good – act and move on. If it proved to be bad, learn and move on. It is not possible to be perfect in decision making, but it is always possible to be happy with our decisions!

May everyone live a happy and peaceful life! May everyone keep on smiling!

Regards,

Palkesh