Are we biased towards ourselves?

I think we naturally believe that what we do is the best. Theoretically this is true, because if we really believed there was something better that could be done, then why would not we do it in the first place? But then, truth is obviously stranger than fiction. And the truth is that we may not always be right.

I realised this recently. Particularly, after these two incidents in my life.

Presently I am on an assignment in a remote place of Gujarat. This place, Dahej, is about 50 kilometres away from the town of Bharuch. One night I had gone to Bharuch to watch a movie. However, while coming back I unfortunately missed the company bus that would get me back to Dahej. There is no frequent transport back to Dahej. In such circumstances, naturally I began to panic. I thought that the only way I could go back now is to ask someone for a lift.

So I stood near this highway and tried to stretch my hand to ask for a ride from the random cars passing through. However, to my disappointment, nobody stopped. I told the hawker next to me about how people are so selfish that they hesitate so much to offer a lift. Luckily I caught another company bus that day to go back, but only after feeling bad about how nobody offered me a lift.

One month later, I was returning to Dahej after some work in Mumbai. I had the company car with me and we were passing through Bharuch. The driver suddenly asked me, “Sir, do you mind if I just stop by and take some passengers to Dahej?” Without thinking about it even once, I told him, “No, let’s just go alone!”

He carried on without stopping, and we passed by those passengers who were asking for a lift. And just moments later I realised what I had done.

Let me give you another example. I always used to think of myself as a soft-spoken person. I believe that I am not rude with people generally. But then, that is exactly what everyone thinks of themselves, isn’t it? So I also used to tell many people. I had also written it in my previous blog that we should be humble and soft spoken.

But recently when I was in Mumbai, my friends and I were planning to order some sandwiches from the canteen in the guest house. So I called up the canteen staff and told them to get some sandwiches, etc. When I was talking to this person on the phone, I thought I was talking normally.

However, just as I was talking, one of my friends said, “Dude! Do you mind showing a little more respect to them? Do you mind saying ‘please’?” I agree I may not have been polite enough, but I really did not think I was rude in any way. But if my friends said I was rude, I must have been.

Then I thought about some things.

1) As human beings, we always feel that we are doing the right thing. However, we may not always make the right choices. Therefore, at best what we can do is to be cautious before criticising someone else. Maybe we would have done the same thing had we been in their place.

2) We should be open to criticisms. If someone comes to you and says, “Listen, I really think what you did is not right. You could have done this better!” In such case, it is natural to be defensive about it. But I think we should try to absorb the facts and think about why someone said that. If we actually improve in the process, what better could have happened?

3) We are naturally biased towards ourselves. Therefore, we see all the good things about us. Only the other people will best tell us where we are mistaken. Friends can play this role beautifully, which they always do.

4) But sometimes we can do this for ourselves. Once in a while we can look at ourselves by being on the other side. All it takes is to imagine what we are doing was actually done by someone else. When we change the way we look at ourselves, I am sure it can help a lot.

So what I learnt for myself is – sometimes in life, we should just try to be on the other side. Believe me it would work a lot. May everyone live a happy and peaceful life! May everyone keep on smiling!

Regards,

Palkesh